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Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
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I quit. I don't want to play this stupid game anymore. When you are saying goodbye to a group of people, and you kiss them all on the cheek, and then you get to the guy that you have a big old crush on, and you lean down to kiss him ON THE CHEEK as you kissed EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM, and...ready for this...he flinches? How is that supposed to make you feel? I am going to build a goddamned cabin in the woods and live there alone with my cats. When I get some cats. Which I will for the sole purpose of living in said cabin with NO OTHER PEOPLE. Visitors will be considered on a case by case basis, but will have to be blindfolded and led there so they won't be able to find the way back.
Damnit!
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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So...we lost our space. The fire department came in, had a little chuckle at our expense, and we lost our space. We are currently looking for a new one, but we are opening a week late because of it. Poop.
On that note...I'm having sort of a rough time. My favorite quality, once described as fatal optimism, has been waning in the past couple of weeks, to the point where, when asked, "So is this going to work out?" I answered, "Probably not." Very simply, not sarcastic, just plainly. Probably not. Anyone who knows me knows this is a big deal. So while I pray this is just a funk (I'm a Pisces. We do that.) it still caught me TOTALLY off guard.
I also feel like I'm somehow moving inward more than I'd like to. Ever since New Year's or so, I've been pushing all of my energy outward, taking classes, starting the new show, going out, doing new things...and I liked it. But I think it's not me. Much as I'd like it to be. It was a response to a pretty deep wound, one that is now healing, and I'm getting back to myself, but not in the good way. In the introverted, anti-social way. The way that makes people overlook me, because I spend a lot of time making myself overlookable. So if anyone has any thoughts on that subject, please feel free to share them.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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Ok, so have you ever had the experience of watching someone you love change, before your eyes, into someone you don't even recognize anymore? Someone with a heart big enough to cover an entire city with beautiful warm light, who wastes his time pouring it into an ungrateful black hole. So what is left is a shell of a person who has no love left for himself. And thinks that this is some sort of merit badge. That to truly love someone, you must be willing to go through this. But then I ask, "Ok, but where is her constant outpouring of love into you? If she loves you, shouldn't that be happening?" To which he has no reply except, "Yeah, I know. But you know I'm crazy." Now, I know a LOT of crazy people out there, people who have problems, but who wander around blissfully unaware of them, not knowing that the things they do are self-destructive and damaging. But here is a person who KNOWS WHAT'S WRONG. He is conscious of the problem, and won't fix it! So all you can do is sit, and watch his deterioration, and HOPE that some day he will realize what he's doing, and fucking STOP IT, and you wait around to cushion the blow.
Which begs the question, am I any different from him?
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I am a puddle right now. A big, relaxed, eucalyptus-smelling puddle. *Sigh* Kerry, Pamala, and I went to the Hot House after rehearsal today. It's the coolest place in Seattle...you go in, (girls only!) and there's a hot tub, a steam room, a sauna, and a cold plunge shower, and you get all naked and sit around getting more relaxed and warm every second, and by the time you get out, you are (like me) a puddle. It's amazing. You castle girls know what I'm talking about. *Sigh again*
I also finally got to see Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Animation Festival last night. It was fantastically entertaining. Sick and twisted, no doubt, but hysterically funny. I highly recommend if it comes through your town.
Other than that, just trying to get ready for the show. It's going well so far, but I have NO time to do anything but work and rehearse. I love it to death, and really, why else do you do theatre, but as someone who values alone time over most other things, it's been trying. Anyone who is interested in seeing the show, the dates are 2/24-3/19 at Theatre Babylon (www.theatrebabylon.org.) AND...you'll get to see me do a bit of...acting. A rare opportunity, not to be missed.
And now, time to relax for a while.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 28th, 2005
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So...ever write something in your LiveJournal, then read it over a few days later and say "Wow...why the HELL did I write that?" Anyway.
I have very few interesting things to say today. Life is pretty good. My weekend is packed, (as per usual) and my rehearsals are going REALLY well. I've been having a really introspective, weird couple of days. Like, I sit in front of my real journal, and I want to write poetry or something...like I haven't done since freakin high school. And I miss people. Melissa especially, cuz I can't just call her. And I'm actually tired now, so I'm going to go do something I've been cleverly avoiding in any way I can...sleep.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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I know. I'm a LiveJournal slacker. It even says so in the subject line of this entry. I own it.
SO...Cliff's Notes version of my life up to now:
Not seeing Jon anymore, at least not in the dating sense. That sucked for a while, then it got better, then he met someone, and it got worse, but now I think it's better again. We've barely spent any time together in the last couple of weeks, which is sad, because he's cool, but also good because it has brought me back to a place where I remember what my life is like without him, and that it is livable, even enjoyable.
Been doing a bit of...internet dating. I know, I know, don't say it. It's not even really dating, it's internet meeting-people-for-coffee thus far. But it's pretty good for the ego at any rate.
Volunteered at the 14/48 festival the past two weekends. MAN was that a good time. I highly suggest it for any of you Seattle-types out there. They pick a theme on Thursday night, and by Friday morning, there are seven brand-spankin'-new 10-minute plays to work with. They go up on Friday night, and the process repeats on Saturday. They do this two weekends in a row, and it's a rockin' good time. While I was there, I met Eric and Noah, with whom I spent most of my time, and also Maggie who was there both Saturdays. They are cool people, and I'm happy I went if only because I met them. It was extremely reaffirming. All of these people in a room together doing anything and everything to GET THE SHOW UP. And Noah had never done theatre before, so watching him watch the shows was amazing...the amazement in his eyes, and on his face, seeing for the first time something that he'd helped create from scratch take shape and breathe by itself on stage was inspiring. It's one of those things that all theatre people feel to some extent (or else, why would we do it?) but it's so rare to see it splayed out like that on a person's face. It was beautiful, and it reminded my why I do theatre. That, and we got do dump water on some actors. That was so cool!
AND we had auditions and callbacks for my next show, "Influence" at Theatre Babylon. Kerry Christianson (one of my very favorite people) is directing, and I am stage managing, and it's going to be SO much fun. We have a cast now, and our first rehearsal is next Saturday. I can't WAIT to dive in. That's so unlike me, isn't it? Enthusiasm, I mean.
I started a stained glass class at Seattle Stained Glass, and I'll be doing that for the next few weeks. So far it's pretty good. I had to redesign my window because the teacher said it was "too complicated." Bah, I say! But the new one is pretty cool too, so it's ok.
I miss friends and family, but as you can see, I'm keeping busy here. Now that you've got the basics, I'll try to remember to update more frequently, so as to cut down on the exposition, and leave more room for the philosophical rants and emotional speculation that makes journaling appealing to the people who write them.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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YIKES
So, I've been a total livejournal slacker, and for that I apologize. Things have been getting away from me a bit here. My show opens tomorrow, which you theatre types know means that last weekend was Tech. It was an extraordinarily painless experience, much to my shock and amazement. Brad Cook really knows how to run a theatre. Other than that, I've been working, rehearsing, hanging out with the boys, and then doing that again. I'll write more when I have time (hopefully this weekend I'll be able to do a little deep breathing) but I just wanted to say I'm still here. Wa-hoo.
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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It's official. I'm moving to Canada. And I'm taking all of my 18-28 year old male friends with me. It's probably just for 4 years or so though. I'll be back. It's sad, I was really starting to like Seattle...
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Monday, November 1st, 2004
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Monday morning. Bah. Who needs it?
This weekend was fantastic. Jon and I decided around Wednesday that we would go to the beach on Saturday. Not the sound beach, but the real live OCEAN beach. So, on Saturday morning (...ok, afternoon...)we drove Betsy onto the Bremmerton ferry, and took the hour or so ride there. We saw some absolutely BEAUTIFUL landscapes, with little square pastel houses in the sides of the hills, and these amazing old manor-houses right on the water with little docks and boats. Then we passed a couple of those orange buoy's, and there were seals chilling out on them, just lying there enjoying the sun. It was awesome.
Then we got off the boat in Bremmerton, at the navy yard. We saw a HUGE aircraft carrier, and (of course) I thought about Uncle Scott, who was in the navy, and stationed there. The rest of the ride was LOOOONG, but it was so worth it. Out here, the beaches are WAY different than back home. There is no dry sand at all, and it is packed down so hard that you can run and drive on it really easily. When the waves roll in, they don't stop like they do in the Atlantic...there is so much flat space, they just keep going for, I'd say, about a hundred yards or more. This fact comes into play when I describe to you what happened next: Jon went in.
Yes, Jon with the bad ankle. Yes, in the Pacific Ocean in almost November.
Off went the clothes (except the undies, because I had a camera) and he walked ALL the way out there to where the ocean really started, and frolicked around a bit while I took pictures and ran away from waves. Then, when he'd decided he'd come close enough to hypothermia, he decided to get out...and had a hundred yards to walk in the FREEZING COLD. Poor planning on his part, I'd say. But worth it, nonetheless.
After that we drove home, and worked on a project he'd planned out and enlisted me to help. It's a hanging shelf for plants and tea-lights, and it looks AMAZING, if I do say so myself.
Other than that, nothing much exciting. I had the whole weekend off from rehearsal, so it was a relaxing and refreshing couple of days, and now I'm at work, and back to the daily...whatever.
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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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Ok, I do not often toot my own horn about things, but today I am going to, because I feel like I am living in the twilight zone. It is 9 am here, and in the past hour I've been complimented like 7 times, invited to a Halloween party, and asked, "So, is it ok with you if I go against my boss's wishes and come up to the office and talk to you some time?" Like litereally...ASKED if he could talk to me. Now, some of this is the coffee talking (I think S-bucks brewed it turbo-charged today) and some of it is excitement about the coming weekend (big plans) but I swear man, today is starting off GREAT!
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Monday, October 25th, 2004
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So...I had a moment this weekend. I did, I know I'm not a "moment" type of girl...Oh, who am I kidding...
I was driving in Jon's big blue station wagon (and you thought MY car was big!) and we were on I-5 South coming back from Shoreline. We'd just come from taking Laurie (one of Jon's clients) out for coffee, and doing a bit of shopping, and it was already a really good day. So we start to drive over one of the 53 bridges in Seattle, and I saw the Space Needle, and Queen Anne Hill with its pastel houses coming out of the hill, and the sunlight on the water, and I thought I was driving through an expressionist painting. It really got me thinking about my life, and how I finally feel like it's doing something good. I feel like a grown up for the first time in...ever, I suppose. No school, just work, and theatre, and my apartment and my friends, and this amazing new place. It was the most fantastic feeling ever.
So yeah...Life is beautiful.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
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This has been the most insane week I've had in a long time. In the past 7 days, I've learned more about myself, and the people in my Seattle life, than I have ever known. I've been sleep deprived, malnourished, more confused than I've ever been, and more sure of anything than I've ever been, and all at the same time. I mean, really, who DOES that?
So today is recovery day. Laundry day. Take a nap though you've slept for 13 hours already day. Stop thinking so damn much day.
So please, feel free to call and say things that have nothing to do with my life.
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Monday, October 11th, 2004
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So...yeah. I never thought I would be doing one of these. But then I moved 3000 miles away from everyone I know, and am getting tired of telling all the stories 27 times, and this seemed like the most viable solution to the problem. So this is my life in Seattle.
So far.....
I moved here a month ago...actually a little more than that. Just picked up and moved. I loved my life in NJ, and loved my friends, and all that, but there was just more that I wanted to do before I "settled down." So I packed up my car, drove 3000 miles, and landed in the Emerald City. I mean, Dorothy got what she needed there...why not me?
Seattle is an extraordinarily beautiful place. So far it has hardly rained, although I am told that changes fairly soon. I can see the space needle from my apartment, and walk to it in about 10 minutes. I live in the section of town called "Queen Anne," which is sort of a cross between Beacon Hill and the South End for you Boston people. It's a nice neighborhood, safe, with lots of fun things to do. There really is no "theatre district" here, but there are theatres EVERYWHERE. So that is happy.
My apartment is on Nob Hill Ave. N, NOT to be confused with Nob Hill Ave. E, or Nob Hill Ave. YourMom, because every street in Seattle is named the same thing, with a different directional indicator. My roommate is cool as hell. She's 29 and going to school to get her doctorate degree in psychology. And then there's Jon and Mike. Jon used to work at the Frog with me, and moved here about 3 months before I did. They are my friends, and are some of the coolest people I know. And they have a cat named Mugsly, who is secretly the reason I go to their house so often.
I work for a company called Asko Processing. They do metal finishing, plating and powder coating and all that. And they make gobos. And anyone who knows what that means knows how exciting it is for me.
I'm also stage managing a show in Capitol Hill...Jesus Christ Superstar. It's a good time. The people are great, and its really a trip to be around actors again. I think the show is going to be a really good time.
That's pretty much it for the basics. I'm making some friends, learning lots of Seattle things, and trying to make the most of this extremely difficult decision. It is lonely out here, not in the way that there are no people, but in the way that there are no people who know me like you guys do. And even beyond that, there is no one who can identify with the culture in which we were all raised. For example, Robin (my roommate) found an entertainment center on the street. We decided to make it ours. It is HIDEOUS. Shiny black formica, with gold trim...and she tried to put her finger on exactly what KIND of ugly it was, but couldn't. Then Jon walked in, and said, "that's so...Guido!" And he was EXACTLY right. It was like the worst kind of Sopranos-style Italian. And people here don't get that. He joked that the only other Italian in Seattle had put it on the street, and I happened to pick it up.
Apart from feeling like a stranger in a strange land though, it is good here. I'm not as much homesick as I am friendsick. I miss my friends and family, but I'm not craving New Jersey things like I usually do. There is enough here to keep me occupied for now.
Anyway, now that you know the backstory, here are a few of the actual events and stories of my adventures so far...
Most recently, Jon's friend Jenn came to visit from NJ this week. She is good people, and I like her alot. Friday night culminated in alcohol-induced climbing of the Experience Music Project (a museum in Seattle Center) and extremely little sleep. Saturday after rehearsal, we got together, and had every intention to do something fantastically fun and exciting, but were so tired that we drove to Target, bought Trivial Pursuit and some frozen pizza, and felt like the biggest losers in the world. It's amazing to have friends with whom you can feel like a total dork and still have so much fun you don't want to leave. Then yesterday, while running to the bus to go to Pike Place Market, Jon took a dive onto the sidewalk and broke himself. The emergency room doctor said it was just a sprain, but he'll be on crutches for a while. Hopefully he will eventually learn to sit down and let us take care of him. And maybe Rod Serling is narrating this as well. So Mike's girlfriend Allysha came over and we played more Trivial Pursuit, and drank more Mike's Hard Lemonade, and again got very little sleep. All in all, it was one of the more fantastic weekends I've had in a long time.
So that's all for now. Not glamorous, but then again, sequins and feather boas were never my thing anyway.
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ordinaryangel5's journal
infuriated.
moody.
mellow.
listless.
accomplished.
restless.
scared.
good.
giddy.
drained.
contemplative.